Kane Webb: Is This Hog Team Beloved?

 

More Notes from the Sports Desk

Let’s start this week’s show with a guest appearance from Sporting Life Arkansas’s hardest-working writer — Jim Harris. I know you’re busy, Jim, but thanks for joining me at the water cooler for a quick sip.

Today, it’s fill-in-the-blank. Ready, Jim? Jim? … Jim? Quit studying film for a half-second, would ya? Here goes:

(1) Arkansas’ defensive play against LSU and Ole Miss was the best I’ve seen since ________.

Jim: 1977.

Kane: Good answer. That may have been the last truly great Razorback defense I’ve seen. The only performance that comes close, if memory serves, is the Hog defense during the 2000 Cotton Bowl victory over Texas. But that was basically a one-off for that up-and-down team.

(2) The not-so-good news about the Hogs’ two-game resurgence is ___________. 

Jim: They have to play LSU and Ole Miss at THEIR place next year, and they’ll remember.

Kane: They also have to play Alabama in Tuscaloosa, and it doesn’t matter whether the Tide remembers or not.

(3) What’s been glossed over because of the back-to-back shutouts is that the Razorbacks sometimes still struggle to ___________.

Jim: Get any offensive line push against these SEC teams.

Kane: What Jim said.

And a bonus question: true or false?

If the Hogs win out, including a bowl victory, this Arkansas team will be one of the most beloved of the modern era.

Jim: True. It will be the best-loved eight-win team in Hog history.

Kane: True. I tend to measure degrees of sports passion on the Ordinarily Doesn’t Give A Crap scale. In this case, I’ve noticed the women in my life cheering for this team as if they were in the finals of Dancing With The Stars. It reminds me of the parents of the high school football players who become experts by osmosis; you watch enough of this stuff, you get emotionally invested enough, you’re around it enough, and darned if you don’t start figuring it out.

During the LSU game I heard this from a charter member of O.D.G.A.C.:

“Is Brandon going through his progressions?”

And during the Ole Miss game I heard this:

“I love the way Martrell Spaight flies to the ball!”

My expert responses: Um, maybe? … and … Yup.

If this Razorback team wins out, including a bowl game, it is one of the most beloved teams ever.

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* * *

Our reporter in the field files this dispatch from watching the Arkansas-LSU game at the house of a family of Tiger fans:

When a play went bad for LSU, they all had to switch seats. When another play went bad, they changed T-shirts. There were three or four other voodoo attempts to beat the Hogs, but none worked that Saturday. Still, it was good to hear that LSU Family was workin’ it. Any deluded fan can relate. Over the years, I’ve found that the seat-switching and T-shirt-changing just don’t work consistently. Nor does the classic don’t-leave-the-bathroom-if-your-team-scores-while-you’re-there tactic. My go-to is “watching” the game on a smartphone and hitting refresh every five seconds. This resulted in one of my all-time great personal victories — the Vikings’ last-second win over San Francisco in that one year when Brett Favre was really good, until he wasn’t.

Let me recreate the drama:

SF 24, Min 20. Late fourth quarter.

Refresh.

SF 24, Min 20.

Refresh.

SF 24, Min 20.

Refresh.

SF 24, Min 20.

Refresh.

Min 26, SF 24, :02 remaining.

WHAAAAAT!? NO FREAKIN’ WAY! (Throws phone across room triumphantly. Frightens dogs.)

I confidently await the “30 for 30” ESPN documentary on this Great Moment in Sports Fandom.

* * *

Okay, I understand. We’ve all officially agreed to hate Florida State this football season, with an extra-special dislike for quarterback, defending Heisman Trophy-winner and dipshit college student Jameis Winston. What’s the old saying in baseball for a talented pitcher who is a head case? Million-dollar arm, 10-cent head.

But I’m jumping off this bandwagon. Yes, it was fun to be in the vanguard of Winston-bashing circa the Crab Legs Incident. And who didn’t shake their head at the college-punk crap he pulled on campus spewing some meme obscenity? And, yea, the investigation into that sexual-assault case sure seemed fishy… And, yea, that’s a whole bunch of “and yea’s,” I know. But the kid can play. If his name were Wameis Jinston and he didn’t carry more baggage off the field than the assistant trainer, he’d win the Heisman this year.

* * *

Read this. Feel better about why you (over-)follow sports.

It’s the best sports story you’ll read this year not written by somebody named Wright Thompson, whose latest is also worth your time.

* * *

I’m starting to think I have a Wright Thompson problem. Perhaps I should double-up on my Drew Magary.

* * *

This guy is really funny.

Next year, when we all storm the field at War Memorial Stadium after the Hog team shocks Toledo, I wonder who’ll be stuck with the fine from the Southeastern Conference — the UA or War Memorial?

http://www.rockcitytimes.com/razorbacks-announce-war-memorial-ticket-price-increase-to-pay-for-fan-celebrations/

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Reader Arnie asks: The other day, I heard a professional analyst/expert/ESPN-ophile talk about “situational football.” I’ve heard this before. What does “situational football” mean?

I’ll be happy to answer your question, Arn. Situational Football means absolutely nothing. It’s just the sports slang du jour from the Worldwide Leader in Filling Oceans of Air Time. Having watched ESPN for … let me add it up … fully three years of my adult life, I have a Ph.D. in sports slang, but I’m afraid even my ESPN doctorate is no help here. Best I can tell “situational football” is, um, football. (Doesn’t every play involve some sort of “situation?”) You know, the way “tornadic activity” is tornado and “evening hours” is evening in weatherman-speak.

Maybe these folks are being paid by the word. Or the syllable.

* * *

My friend P., who is famous for having played on a pee-wee football team that once lost 105-0, lucky bastard, collects sports malaprops. Here is one of recent vintage from dull-on-dull football TV analyst/broadcaster/talker Troy Aikman, who at least looks good when he says nothing: “He literally threaded the needle.”

Aikman was talking about a pass thrown by Drew Stanton of the Arizona Cardinals, not his tailor. In this case, Aikman’s overstatement is less indicative of sportspeak than it is reflective of the latest crutch word.

Literally = the new really.

Really? Yep. Just talk to the nearest teenager.

* * *

This week’s prestigious Surprisingly Not A Homer Award goes to … Matt Jones, who talks Hogs and such on 103.7 The Buzz in Little Rock.

As a college quarterback at Arkansas, Jones was more entertaining to watch than that honey badger video that’s gone viral. But I don’t know if I ever heard him say three words to the media. (Smart man.)

Now he’s on the radio every afternoon, co-hosting a show called “Overtime” with Trey Schaap, an equally engaging Not A Homer who lives up to his sports-journalist-famous last name.

On shows this season, Jones (a) has expressed little love for the Razorbacks’ offensive coordinator, (b) refuses to agree with a caller who thinks Arkansas can beat Florida State and (c) generally brings an analytical, ex-player’s view to the game instead of indulging in Go-Hogs-Go-ism.

Maybe I’ve just been catching them on the right days, but while most Arkansas sports-radio talkers drink the Razorback-red Kool-Aid by the gallon, Jones and Schaap have managed to stay on the wagon.

Cheers, fellas!

Arkansas Beats LSU

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