The Happy New Year Rant of Resolutions

As the sun rises on another new year, we offer The Happy New Year Rant of Resolutions to folks who have made our lives so interesting this past year.

Chuck Welch, President, Arkansas State University

Resolution: Be a better boss.

It appears you must be one hard dude to work for, at least if the employee is a football coach.

Jeff Long, Athletics Director, University of Arkansas

Resolution: Read message boards religiously.

Next time you need a coach for any sport, work a little harder and check the message boards for guidance and advice.

Had you been plugged in this year you could have kept Bobby Petrino; fired John L. Smith after the third week of the season; hired Gruden, Petersen and Patterson; been undefeated preparing for the national title in football this week; told Van Horn who the starting pitcher should be each game and won a College World Series, too.

Plus more.

Bret Bielema, Head Coach, University of Arkansas

Resolution: Surround yourself with a better staff.

It’s critical in the SEC.

You don’t have a single former Super Bowl winning head coach on your staff yet as a position coach?

What have you been doing the last several weeks? C’mon, man, quit slacking.

Mike Anderson, Head Coach, University of Arkansas

Resolution: Three words – More Kikko Haydar

Bryan Harsin, Head Coach, Arkansas State University

Resolution: Unpack your boxes in Jonesboro. Stay a while.

Moving sucks and once the boxes are unpacked, it’s even worse.

So when someone comes knocking on your agent’s cell phone at the end of next season, remember one thing – Moving SUCKS!

Les Miles, Head Coach, LSU

Resolution: Keep doing everything EXACTLY the way you did it to end 2012.

Don’t change a thing. You are perfect just the way you are.

Nick Saban, Emperor, State Of Alabama

Resolution: Coach a pro team. Coach a pro team in the NFL.

We think if you try it again, soon, you will have great success.

In fact, we guarantee it.

Hugh Freeze, Head Coach, Ole Miss

Resolution: Win 6-7 games again this year and continue to be Mayor of Mississippi – for life.

Bobby Petrino, Head Coach, Some Directional School In The Middle Of Nowhere

Resolution: Buy a new motorcycle.

One of those fancy three-wheeled jobs that is really a Volkswagon, or maybe one with a sidecar.

Or maybe just get a toy motorcycle, because you suck at motorcycle driving.

Houston Nutt, Head Coach, Currently Unemployed

Resolution: Get a job.

Any job.

Preferably, a high-profile job either in coaching or on the TeeVee.

Our lives are poorer without you in it.

Auburn, A University In Alabama

Resolution: Expect Gus Malzahn to deliver you a national title at least as soon as Chizik did.

Once you get your mind there, expect it every single year.

Go all in and hop on the Gus Bus. Fall in love hard.

The Gus Bus goes to the Next Level and stays there. 14-0. Every year.

Patience is a virtue for others. For you, In Gus You Trust.

A-StAte Fans, Jonesboro And Places Beyond

Resolution: Your enthusiasm is contagious and good for sport in Arkansas. Keep that up.

Also, a game vs. the Razorbacks.

Eventually.

Razorback Fans, Arkansas And Places Beyond

Resolution: Patience.

#@!&, Nick Saban took four #@!&ing years at LSU to grab a national title and three at Alabama.

Isn’t HE the gold standard, best in the business, maybe the best that ever lived?

Have patience.

Happy New Year from all of us here at Sporting Life Arkansas.